I'm being transparent, I wanted to quit.

When I decided to become a triathlete, I subscribed to every social media feed I could find with hopes of people excited to help me simply because I was "becoming one of them." Now that I think about this, I realize how ridiculous it was to think that. I mean there is certainly an level of arrogance amongst athletes in general, but if you're competing in 3 sports in one day...good gawd folks are a tad bit worse...IMO. I mean I've had folks ignore questions that I had in different groups. Folks have suggested that because I am not loyal to a certain brand gear that this somehow diminishes my self worth...REALLY???

Anyway, today was one of those days where I truly felt like the last kid being picked for a team in gym class. I had decided that I would leave all triathlon FB groups and focus on cycling. I mean why not embrace the sport where the people I've met have been so helpful. No one made me feel like I was asking stupid questions when I asked. Men, women, black, white... everyone truly seemed happy that I was riding my bike and willing to share all they knew about cycling.  Please don't misunderstand, I have met some very supportive triathletes and appreciate what they have offered and I was not expecting everyone to be helpful, but dang. (I now realize that I was allowing those bad apples to spoil the bunch.)  It was at this point that I had made up my mind that I no longer needed a coach. I no longer wanted to compete in a triathlon any longer than a sprint. I decided I was going to devote my time to becoming a strong cyclist. 

Since my mind was made up, I did not feel the need to share my feelings with Dorian, Michelle, Valerie, or Clarissa; these are my "people" and I share with them when I start to doubt myself. I knew they would listen and then share reasons why I need to keep pursuing triathlon; hell Clarissa would likely post three words that would have me reconsidering my decision. I did not want to reconsider. 

As I prepared to call Richard I received a text that Cassie had just crossed the 10k mark during the Rock n Roll Las Vegas half marathon and I saw this post...

I can't blame Clarissa, this is more than three words...lol. 

  

I immediately shared the post on FB and I replayed today's Deepak and Oprah meditation to listen to the centering thought..."Fulling my dreams fulfills my spirit."  I smiled and wrote this blog. 

One of my dreams...goals...whatever you want to call it is to complete the races on my calendar; IM 70.3 Augusta will be the grand finale for 2015. I cannot allow negativity to invade my spirit to the point it makes feel like I should not do...cannot do what I have planned for myself. I'm sure when some "negative Ned or Nellie" reads this, they will have something to say. What I say to you, remember you were new once and stop being an ass.

I did not call Richard. I will not quit.